Hey La, My Boyfriend's Back
by Ultrawoman
Summary: This was written by a serious author of BtVS Spuffy fanfiction, when the sensible part of her brain took a vacation and she’d eaten too much sugar...please only read this if you're sure you can deal with my level of weirdness


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A/N : This fic is not serious. If anyone reading this has previously taken a peek at 'Three Vamps, A Slayer, and A Bloody Mess' then think of this as a slightly less humorous and slightly more weird piece of work. My mind went back to the weird place that spawned that other piece of pointless fiction and this is what came out. When I started writing I had no idea where I was going or even how it would end! I'll probably look at this tomorrow and be so disgusted I'll delete it, but in the meantime you have the chance to read it if you really want to...

(Disclaimer : Joss owns any recognisable characters and stuff)

Hey La, My Boyfriend's Back

How was is possible for a life to get so messed up? That's what Buffy wanted to know. A couple of weeks ago she was in heaven, the literal kind, totally at peace and happy in that place full of Christian Slater look-alikes and great-tasting-but-fat-free ice-cream. Now she was back in the land of the living, with friends who expected gratitude for getting her out of supposed hell, no money, and the inability to deal with any kind of job that required her to care at all. The bitter chocolate icing on this particularly bad-tasting cake was that it seemed someone was messing up Buffy's already pre-messed life, screwing with time and sending weird melting demons after her. Now, here she was on her way to a crypt to cry on the shoulder of the resident chipped-and-lovesick vampire, the only person she'd been able to confide in lately.

"Could things really get any worse?!" she complained aloud, yelling at the sky. Of course no-one up there was going to answer. With a sigh she brought her eyes back down to ground level and saw three vampires advancing on her.

"Oh I had to ask, didn't I?" she rolled her eyes tiredly, pulling a stake from inside her jacket, "Come on, let's get this over with" she called to the oncoming demons who flashed their fangs at her.

"Slayer!" one yelled, "You should have stayed dead"

"That's what I said!" Buffy agreed "But nooo, stupid friends had to care about me" she complained as if it was a crime.

The vampires didn't care for her words, they just wanted her blood as they advanced, and Buffy's arm shot out to punch one in the face as she swung her leg back to kick another. The third made a grab at her but she spun away and staked one of it's friends through the back. The other two attacked together and Buffy just couldn't find the strength to fight back effectively as one pinned her to the ground and the other went for her throat with his teeth.

"Hey, you with the fangs!" a male voice called from behind the vamps, who both turned just in time to see a motorcycle speed past, a fist flying out to crack one of them across the jaw.

Before the pair of demons could work out what was happening, Buffy got back on her feet and staked the one that was unconscious, just as the motorcycle came back, the guy on top staking the second vamp.

As Buffy put her hands on her knees, bending over to get her breath back, the guy pulled up the motorcycle, turned off the engine and dismounted. He came to stand behind Buffy and smiled.

"Hey, I know that face"

Suddenly the Slayer recognised his voice and spun round with a shocked look on her face.

"Oh my God!" she gasped, flinging herself at the man, "Pike!"

"So you remember me, huh?" he smiled as she squeezed him tighter, he was quite pleased until he realised that oxygen was becoming an issue, "And the death didn't effect your Slayer strength" he gasped out, "Breaking ribs now, Buff"

"I'm sorry" she said, quickly pulling away, "But I'm so pleased to see you!"

he noticed the tears that now fell from her eyes and felt awful. She'd been on his mind on and off for five years, ever since she'd left LA without a word.

"Hey, how did you know I died?" she asked suddenly.

"Word gets around" he shrugged, "Especially when you're a vampire hunter"

"When you're a what?" she started to laugh, despite the fact she'd felt like crying all day up to this point.

"Hey it's not that funny" he protested, "It's not funny how you disappeared on me either" he added looking pretty P.O.-ed

"Pike, I had no choice but to leave, and I just couldn't face saying goodbye to you" she explained, "I loved you so much, I haven't been able to date humans since I left you, only vampires and guys that like being bitten by vampires"

"That's...flattering, I think" Pike frowned uncertainly.

"Sure it is" Buffy nodded "I mean, you meant so much to me, you were there when I really needed someone, and you have no idea how much I missed you"

"Even when you were dating demons and weirdos?" her old boyfriend's frown deepened, he really wasn't buying this.

"Especially then" she assured him, before noticing he really was not swallowing this line, "Look, the truth is, the friends I have here love me to the point where I just want to puke, I have a fake sister that whines all the time, and a vampire who thinks I'm the best thing since blood milkshake!" she explained, gesturing wildly and pacing up and down, "And last but by no means least, I was dead and happy in heaven til I got ripped out and now I have bills to pay and demons to fight again and all I wanna do is be normal!" she practically screamed the last part and Pike thought only dogs would be able to here her at that level.

"What are you saying to me Buffy?" he asked as she covered her face with her ands and tried to calm down.

"I'm saying" she sighed, bringing her hands way again, "I'm saying, however much I wish I was...I'm not like other girls"

With that she started to bawl like a baby and Pike moved to pulled her close to him, hugging her tight.

"Yes you are" he whispered into her hair, as he rubbed her back and tried to calm her down, "You can be normal Buffy" he promised her, "We can be normal together, all you have to do is come back to me"

She pulled her head from his shoulder and looked up at him through a veil of tears.

"I want to" she sniffed, "I really want to"

"Then believe" he whispered, leaning forward and placing his lips on hers.

A feeling of comfort and wonder flowed through her body, making Buffy feel warm and alive in a way she hadn't for years, especially since she'd been back. When she felt Pike pull away, the beautiful feeling remained, even if it was slightly less intense. As she opened her eyes, the hospital room came into focus around her, as well as Pike's face in front of her.

"It worked" he sighed, smiling with delight as he realised she really was back, "It was a long shot but it really worked"

"Where am I?" Buffy frowned looking around the room, wondering where the graveyard had gone and why she was wearing unflattering pale green pyjamas.

"This is the hospital Buffy" her boyfriend told her gently, "You were having delusions, about vampires and a place called Sunnydale" he said carefully, never letting up his hold on her, "I was there too for a while, but I came back out pretty fast...you got in too deep, sweetheart"

Buffy shook her head, trying to make sense of what he was saying. Sunnydale and all her so-called friends had been a delusion. She wasn't the Slayer, it had all been a nasty dream, but Pike was real and her life in LA.

"I don't have to fight demons anymore" she looked like she might cry again and Pike held her tighter.

"You never did, Buffy" he told her, "We're normal people here, just a little older" he smiled, "hence why you're looking a little different there"

"You don't" she smiled, "You're still you, and I love you" she told him sincerely, hugging him tight, before changing her mind and kissing him thoroughly instead.

The last five and a half years had been a lie, her life was not at all what she thought, and she was five years older in a world she barely remembered!

Still, she was kissing a gorgeous guy whose soul would not disapper when they slept together.

Things were definitely looking up.

The End

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A/N2 : This was written by a serious author of BtVS Spuffy fanfiction, when the sensible part of her brain took a vacation and she'd eaten too much sugar. It has not been beta-ed and she expects no reviews. For a more serious piece of fic please check out the lastest chapter of 'Who's That Guy?', which was also posted today. - End of Transmission -


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